Diary of a Mad Black Fan: The Siriusness
by Blue Eyes At Night
Summary: Part 2 of the Diary series. Aspen and Sirius are out of school and dealing with the real world...probably should read part 1 to understand. RR!
1. Attack of the Kitchen Sinks

Diary of a Mad Black Fan: Part 2: The Sirius Saga Continues

By Blue Eyes At Night a.k.a. Aspen Sorcha Stanton ( My lovely pureblood pricks of parents made my initials A.S.S….maybe that's why I'm so well adjusted smile )

June 20, 1975

"Today is the first day of the rest of your lives". Ah the wisdom of the snack lady on the Hogwarts Express.

Well, we got home today; we're all officially on our own.

I'm not going to say that it frightens me; I'm just going to say that I'm not feeling stable…oops, never mind just a spot of nausea.

So, as James and Lily went off to their respective houses and made kissy noises at each other (I really need to have a word with them about their PDA), as Remus went off to his own home, as Peter strung along with his mum, Sirius and I Floo-ed to our new flat.

There's nothing like walking into a completely bare flat. Like, your looking for a couch and there's just a bunch of boxes. Well, that's a lie. There was also a flying motorbike sitting sedately in the corner looking as in place as a tramp in a vicar's room. But I suppose Sirius couldn't leave his true firstborn outside, God forbid it rains and a spot got on the paint or something.

I sometimes regret that bike, but it makes him so….horny. I can never regret something that puts a man's sex drive into overdrive.

So we get in and throw down our trunks and decide that we have to christen the new floor by shagging like wild animals… what? Don't you?

It was lunch time so we decided (after working up a significant appetite) that we'd leave unpacking to after a square meal and headed into the Muggle area. Oh, I should probably explain that we lived in a Muggle section of London. A lot of wizards do. Any who, we weren't like overly close to our Muggle neighbors and we figured that if Sirius didn't fly the bike until the coast was clear, then everything would be peachy.

But we were only a couple blocks away from about thirty really good restaurants. And I made Sirius take me to a classy joint. Burger King, I mean, it was the royalty of processed meat and I fully intended on being with the best. Sirius rolled his eyes, blamed the garbage disposal slowly getting bigger in my womb, and ordered onion rings, fries, two large Cokes (Lily said they were good), and two huge burgers with everything on it. Well…everything but sardines but one flick of a well hidden wand later I was enjoying myself.

After lunch we knew it was time to tackle the apartment. We made a list of priorities: bedroom, bathroom, kitchen.

You know? Where I got knocked up, my first stop in the morning, and the giver of my eccentric meals. Priorities people!

I claimed those three rooms and told him the den was his. He shocked me by being considerate and asked what we planned on doing to the baby's room.

Okay, so he said, "What we going to do to the little bastard's hole?"

But still…I give him an E, he exceeded expectations.

After a good hour of spelling stuff into the bedroom and scourgify-ing the bathroom, I decided that it was dinner time.

"And what would you like, House Elf Britches?"

After slapping Sirius I decided I wanted ice cream…badly. Not just any ice cream. This lovely concoction that Fortesque had. But we didn't have any Floo Powder for our fireplace yet, so we had to take the bike.

You can imagine how devastated Sirius was (eye roll). So he dropped me at Fortesque's and I sent him out for Floo Powder and more gold and sat down to enjoy my Almond, Hazelnut, Marshmellow, Chocolate, Pistacio and Raspberry ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry.

Of course, thanks to James, I was able to put some Tabasco on. God love that man.

I was oddly appreciative of my cravings because it meant Sirius didn't try to steal any of my food any more.

Of course, he tried.

Then he got a whiff of what morning sickness feels like…

Ha bloody ha you horny bastard (grin)

June 22, 1975

I HATE boggarts! I ruddy _hate_ boggarts! Who likes them? Who likes being scaried out of their bloody mind when your reaching under the sink to hide some emergency Chocolate and Instant Chili packets?

Not I!

And that's exactly what happened while I was making the kitchen suitable for habitation.

A boggart pops out from beneath the sink and scares the living shite out of me. I was caught unaware and started screaming, which of course is the thing to do when there's a man homicidal wizard on the loose.

Sirius comes dashing in and that's when the dead version of him coming after me turned into a naked Snape. And that's when I realized it was a boggart.

A boggart with a ruddy strong stomach, I'll give it that. I couldn't impersonate Snape naked for all the Tabasco sauce in all the world…I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Sirius wanted to know why I was screaming by seeing him dead if I knew he was alive and well in the den. And I said because I was more afraid of Infiri then anything else because I think it's cruel and unusual to have the people you love and believe to be at peace come after you from beyond the grave. Like…I dunno what but it's always given me the willies.

Which meant that I needed to go to Honeydukes right away. I mean immediately. Three bags of Peppermint Pixies later I was feeling better.

I hate it when sinks attack.

June 29, 1975

Sirius is off at Auror Training. Brutal it is. He's been so exhausted that we haven't had sex in a week. A _week_. I mean, we're going to break our personal best soon.

So basically I've had nothing to do but get fat. And fat I am getting. You can see the bump! I mean…bloody hell you can _see_ the bump!

I mean, I knew there was going to be a bump but I am concerned. It's ruddy big now and I'm only five months pregnant. I mean…sheesh!

I wonder how much weight I gained. It's been a lot of eating recently, there's nothing else to do with Sirius at training but nest and eat.

I'm afraid of the scale though…I mean…what girl isn't?

Well….Lily isn't but she DOESN'T COUNT!

LATER

Okay…twelve pounds. I can handle twelve pounds! I mean, twelve pounds is normal, right? I mean…ok…three weeks ago I was twelve pounds lighter and this bump was more of a ….slight incline…and….

I need to talk to someone…where's Lily?

LATER AGAIN

Two cups of hot chocolate with orange juice (okay, so I was the only one with orange juice) Lily was talking to me as she brewed a potion for James' mum. She said she had looked it up (cause she looks up _everything_ I swear she does! Couldn't live without a ruddy book) and said it's perfectly normal.

LATER-ER

So I'm a normal fat cow.

EVEN MORE LATER-ER

I'm a _randy_ normal fat cow and I want my boyfriend.

July 1, 1975

Sirius got a nasty shock last night. I know he's tired with all the training he's going through but… dammit I need attention right now cause my stomach is beginning to resemble Peter Pettigrew's head and it's frightening me.

So he came home and I wasn't in bed and he wandered about our apartment looking as though he had a question mark hovering over his head. He found me in the baby's room (which as of now had a lot of empty boxes and a bean bag chair that looked awful in our living room) crying my eyes out.

And I told him I was a fat ugly cow with a Pettigrew head sticking out my stomach and I gained twelve pounds and I wanted to shag really badly.

And so we shagged….really badly.

I think at least half the things we did were illegal in Britain, but no one heard that from me.

Sirius, despite being exhausted, said that he didn't think I was fat, he thought I might have swallowed a Quaffle covered in Tabasco sauce but he didn't think I was fat. And I could never be ugly. And he thought that the Quaffle-tummy was a lovely addition.

He can be so sweet.

July 5, 1975

Lily got a job! She's working at this potions shop in Diagon Alley, which works out well for me because I visit with her during the day and weight myself on the giant scales in the back room. I've gained another three pounds.

I never thought I'd be so upset about three measly pounds!

Have discussed with Lily ideas I have for the baby's room…she basically offered to do it for me. Bring her to a baby store and its like giving sugar to five year olds (i.e. James or Sirius). I mean she cooed over EVERYTHING! I had to pry stuff out of her hands!

It was ridiculous, though I have to admit; I had a fun time telling this really uptight matronly grandmother type that I was carrying Lily's and my lovechild who was made with the sperm of a homicidal maniac that was really a good guy.

I still don't know the baby's sex and Lily said she could make a Potion that would tell me, but I declined. I dunno, I kind of want to be surprised.

I kind of want to ask Sirius what he wants.

I kind of want a waffle.

And a shag.

July 10, 1975

I was offered a job at Lily's Potion shop as I hang around there so much it made sense for them to pay me. I like it even though I never thought I'd ever touch a Potions book ever again in my miserable life. I should note that they don't want me touching a potions book ever again in my miserable life either and try to keep me in sales.

On a personal note (this is a diary, isn't it all personal notes?) I only gained a pound. Take _that_ hormones!

July 14, 1975

Got an owl from Dumbledore calling a meeting for the Order of the Pheonix for tonight. That means Sirius and James will be getting off early from Auror Academy to visit their "evil wretch of a mother who's convientently ill" and "ailing aunt" (respectively). Well….can't fault Sirius with lying!

LATER

Dumbledore says its much worse then the Prophet is letting on and has given us all surveillance jobs. Sirius and James are to watch inside the Academy for fishy things, the kind of things that only the trainees know about. Lily is to watch for illegal substances or orders under the counter and I am to watch customers for odd patterns or behavior.

Must note that McGonagall found out at this meeting that I was pregnant (Dumbledore, not surprised, the old man knows _everything_ I swear!) and she fainted.

Upon waking she just stared at Sirius and I and said, "I'm not sure the world is big enough for a combination of you two."

Way to add some padding to Sirius' already enormous ego.

The good part about this meeting was that Sirius was home considerably earlier then normal and gets tomorrow off as well.

Hehehehehe…wonder if that beanbag chair is up for another go?

July 15, 1975

After a fantastic night of shagging, we laid in bed for most of the morning as Sirius kissed my big tummy and talked to the baby.

I had to "earmuffs" him a couple times, but it was all worth it. It's the most alone time we've had in a while.

After a hearty breakfast of capers, lox and suishi (Sirius had a bagel) I told Sirius that I wanted to decorate the baby's room but I didn't know what to decorate it with.

He said, "Easy, lots of blue with some Quidditch posters, a little toy broom, maybe a mobile that has a snitch on it…"

"Hold on!" I interrupted, "What if it's a girl?"

He gave me an odd look and pointed at my tummy, "Listen, mate, I've got nothing against girls! I _love_ girls! But…but…you're the first Junior Marauder and the boys and I were hoping for someone to carry on the pranking name…you think you can do that for your dad?"

I put my arms over my tummy and put my foot down, "Excuse me, Sirius Black, if this is a girl I will not have you lowering her self esteem by asking her to be a boy!"

It was a good sized argument, and it ended with me crying and Sirius saying, "I'm sorry! You're right! It doesn't matter….we'll just paint the room Gryffindor colors."

"AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HOUSE'S COLOR YOU GREAT PRAT!"

July 19, 1975

So…while Sirius is back at Auror Academy and Lily and I are pushing Potions…I've decided to do the baby's room anyway.

But I'm sure he'll like it! I've compromised! I think…

July 23, 1975

Spying for Dumbledore is boring work. But better news! The Auror Academy has decided that since the Academy is vulnerable to an attack by Death-Eaters (even though its full of Aurors, sometimes the Ministry is full of morons) and that all Auror trainees are to have a couple weeks off while they up the defenses and check everyone's background or some such nonsense.

So in other words, tomorrow Sirius will be here and I will surprise him with the baby's room! Excited!

So is Lily…I swear if she and James don't move in together soon!

July 24, 1975

Showed Sirius the baby's room….and he loved it. Emerald green and gold. Slytherin and Gryffindor. Just like us.

Maybe this whole baby thing is going to be okay after all….I'll check back in later…we're going to go celebrate his return!

July 29, 1975

Sirius and I have been getting into outfitting the baby's room…he _had_ to buy a broom but we've decided everything else is going to be unisex.

We've also decided we're going to be surprised when the baby's born, find out what sex it is then.

Until then, we're going to be having plenty of sex…you know…one of those darn pregnancy symptoms. (wink)

_Author's Note: Dear God…here we go again!_

_Now I'm sure you'll note that the category is Humor/Drama. I felt that is appropriate as we actually do have a serious plot. I mean there's Voldemort, there's babies and there's Order of the Pheonix…but there's also Aspen and that's just hilarious. _

_Review please please please!_

_Tell me what you think!_


	2. What's in a Name?

A/N- Sorry for the lapse, I warned you I had a tendency to be slow! And plus…I have an INSANELY hard schedule for school. 3 AP courses and only 1 elective (and its SENIOR YEAR) (I probably have a death wish). Not to mention I'm looking at colleges. Majoring in English and Education but fully intend on trying to get published before the end so that I can become a lazy starving artist (smile). I'm looking at College of New Jersey so far, I'm odd so I really only looked at like 7 schools total. Maybe Bryn Mawr but I don't know if I have to have SAT 2s to apply….oh well. Anyone in college? If so, where? Maybe I will soon be joining you!

Anywho, thanks for the reviews! Glad everyone seemed to have found the sequel without too much trouble. And here we are, a continuation!

_**The Siriusness…**_

August 5, 1975

Am still a randy, fat cow.

August 7, 1975

Sirius and I have been flitting about now that we have all this free time. Baby store, Order of the Phoenix, seeing James and Lily, going out to eat (cause I do _not_ cook…or clean….or…hmm...could be problematic) and- Oh! Visiting James and Lily! Story there!

So since they're too ruddy stupid to just move in together, they've been taking turns invading each other's houses. And when they're at Lily's, her sister is occasionally there.

Don't jump to conclusions!

So Lily invites Sirius and me to have tea with her and James, which works out so that I might finally meet her parents and her sister. Hehehehe.

Upon arriving at 4 Privet Drive (which is a nice house in a ruddy stuck up neighborhood! I mean, I know Sirius is a hot man on a motorbike but do you have to goggle at him when his obviously pregnant girlfriend is with him? I mean, come on! That's rude!) James had not yet arrived.

But Petunia was there.

Hehehehehe……

Petunia was waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up but he was apparently late at work (some Muggle place for tools) and she looked…ok. Well. She sees Sirius and I walking up the drive and looks positively _terrified_. I mean like Oh-Dear-God-The-Dementors-Are-Coming-To-Kiss-Me terror.

She holds out her purse and is like "Take what you want but don't rape me."

I mean, really!

"It isn't rape if your willing." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows and I slapped him, "We're here to see Lily."

Now she looked at us like we were Dementors but with giant cockroach heads. Fear and disgust.

She stuck her nose way in the air and was like "She's inside."

We stepped around her and she muttered something like, "I can't believe those…those…_freaks_."

Sirius had to hold me back, which is a lot of work as I'm now 19 and one half pounds heavier then I was before the baby and the hormones make me mental. Imagine trying to hold back a pissed off hippogriff…now multiply by three. There you go, that's what Sirius was trying to do. But he managed.

Damn lucky of Petunia he did too.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans met us at the door and they're really sweet. Mr. Evans shook Sirius' hand and asked him about the motorbike and Mrs. Evans asked me about the baby. I felt a bit dumb though, I mean I was going into seven months and basically I knew that there was a baby inside me that kicked really hard and made me crave Tabasco sauce as if it were candy. And that I was fat.

But she was really nice and said like, "I don't know if it's different for witches but such and such and so and so and I'd be happy to lend you this and that."

She used a lot of Muggle-talk but she was really nice. Didn't seem to be like oh-that's-a-pregnant-teenager-please-stay-away-from-my-daughter-you-great-slag. More like, baby?-awww!. Lily commandeered me from her mum and set down to her own brand of cooing. Asked me about the baby's room and I told her and promised she could Floo over to see it.

Lily's more excited about this kid then is completely natural. I should mention to James that its time to set her mothering habits to good use and let her coddle them in a co-habitation environment. Emphasis on co-habitation.

I should mention now that, while I love Lily, she has this habit of randomly cooing to my tummy. Like randomly "Who's a good baby? Yes you are!"

And that's cute once….maybe twice. We're lingering somewhere around the thousand range and I'm close to strangling her with my bare hands.

But that day was full of great timing, James apparated right when my hands started going towards her throat. They were all kissy-and cuddly and I thought her parents were going to be like "Umm….excuse me?" but Mrs. Evans hugged James and Mr. Evans was like "Crazy kids! James, boy, how are you?". I guess it's great that they like James so much but I mean…if her parents can't control that affection then we're all doomed.

So her parents went out to keep Petunia at bay while we sat at the dining room table (I could almost hear her say to her mum, "But you can _see_ them through the window! The neighbors will _see_."). Must note that she's the type of Muggle that gives wizards a bad rap, thinking we're all weird. Well, I think horse-faced busy-bodies are weird but I was civil. And I'm _me_, I mean…that's an accomplishment.

James shocked me by being concerned about the baby. He politely asked if we had thought about the name or anything and Sirius took the call.

"Maybe we'll just go with 'Little Bastard' or something….maybe we'll just do numbers." He shrugged.

I did too. We really hadn't talked about that and it really started to bug me. I really didn't think of a name…I mean, I hadn't even thought of a gender! I was behind the times, apparently.

Anywho, it was a lovely tea. Until the tele-something rang. Lily jumped up to get it and said that it was Vernon for Petunia and went to go get her. Petunia gave us this horrid seething look when she walked passed us, as though we offended her or something.

Really annoys me, Petunia does. After a while of talking she came out and said, "Lily, your…_friends_ have to leave."

"And why is that?" Lily seemed unconcerned with her sister…I supposed she was used to it by now.

"Because Vernon is coming now, he just rang to say he's finally out of the office, and I won't have him see these…_freaks_ in _my_ house! I won't have him see him!" She pointed to James, "Him!" She pointed to Sirius, seemingly far more offended by him then by James and then turned her gaze full on me and was full on seething when she said, "Or _that_!"

That? _That_! Well it wasn't as though Sirius and James weren't already mad (and so was Lily) but at that point we all stood up and started screaming at Petunia.

I personally had a wand out but Sirius wrestled it from me. I was so….beyond enraged. My whole face was red and I was shaking and apparently…some magic…slipped. Petunia's front teeth started to grow really long and her lips began to swell up until she could talk, she could just scream. And she was crying because she didn't know it could be reversed and she thought Vernon would never speak to her again. And she was throwing murderous glares at me.

Lily fixed her sister without a word and then motioned sharply towards the door, "You can wait for Vernon outside."

"Tha- that would be so rude! Not even to offer him a cup of tea after a long day at work! Not even to let him put his feet up for a moment! We're supposed to be civilized, Lily!"

"Well, be civilized somewhere else! Go to his house, why don't you?" Lily was pushing her towards the door when Petunia slapped her hands away and said, "It's not fair! It's not fair that I want to have a boy over and I can't because _you_ have to invite your merry band of freaks over for tea! You have to invite _wizards_ not even _normal people_ and I have to be punished for it!"

"We look as normal as you do! If you didn't make such a fuss your boyfriend would never know we weren't Muggles!" James snapped back, tired of being called a freak.

"Oh no!" Petunia skrieked, "Nothing at all abnormal about a boy who appears out of thin air! Or a fireplace! Nothing abnormal about a girl no older then Lily and already knocked up! Nothing abnormal about you lot, at all! A _witch_ with a disappearing boyfriend, a slag and a deviant."

By this point Mr. and Mrs. Evans were trying to calm her down but Sirius stood up and pointed at her, "If you had half a brain you'd be dangerous! Say what you like about me, but don't you fling mud at the others! James is a better man than any that'll ever have you, you conceited cow! And your sister is the kindest, smartest person I know!

"And if you _ever_ attack my girlfriend or my baby again I'll do the kind of damage that Lily can't reverse!"

Sparks flew out of his fingers and Petunia screamed and bolted outside. We made apologies to the Evans and they made some back, then we all decided for peace's sake that we'd Floo over to our house. Well…James and Lily would Floo, Sirius and I had the bike. Then we decided that since James wanted to ride the bike, Lily and I would Floo.

So we got to our apartment (the boys came in about twenty minutes late smelling of goats and giggling…I didn't ask, I'm not sure I want to know) and showed James and Lily the baby's room.

"It's…so…beautiful!" There were actually tears in her eyes and James had to hold her for a few moments as she calmed down.

"I like it…especially that broom." He nodded at Sirius. When Lily calmed down she showed me some charms that she knew (she knew every Charm ever invented! Was there anything she didn't know?) and James talked Quidditch with Sirius.

Quidditch might have been code for something else because I sincerely doubt that the Snitch ever scored fifty points for Ireland with only one arm, but again…I don't ask, I probably don't want to know.

They kipped on our couch that night. It was all in all, a pretty good day.

August 13, 1975

Horrible thing happened today. James' dad had to go into Mungo's. He's an old wizard and he hasn't been well, but still, it's a sad time. We went over to see him and Sirius hugged Mrs. Potter and went to go see Mr. Potter. After all, Sirius was like a second son to them. I didn't really know them all that well, but they were very polite to me.

While we were at Mungo's and the boys were visiting, Lily and I strayed into the maternity section. There were lines of little babies in cribs in one room and we cooed over them. I got really panicked for a moment. I was going to have one of those…pretty soon.

It's hard to really comprehend your having a baby. Sometimes it just kind of hits you like…Damn! I'm having a baby! And sometimes you kind of forget. It seems hard but you just think that your fat not that you have a baby in your tummy.

A Healer saw us looking and asked all kinds of questions. I answered them all as truthfully as possible and she said, "You know dear, you really should have a check up. Just to be certain everything's okay."

She said they could probably fit me in later that day so I agreed and set off to fetch Sirius. He was really down about Mr. Potter and I told him that I was going to get a check up and he was really concerned. He thought something was wrong but I said, No, just a check up.

So about an hour later we were sitting in an examination room with pictures of puffskeins in tutus all over the walls. We looked slightly out of place in torn jeans and _Un-taming the Shrew_ tee-shirts. I was really starting to understand that we were a bit young for all this, but I supposed it was working out for a reason so I didn't think on it too much.

The Healer came in and asked all kinds of questions.

"How much weight have you gained?"

"Twenty-four pounds." I had weighed myself last night although my breakfast had probably pushed me close to fifty pounds.

"How far along are you?"

"Seven months."

"How's your diet?"

"House Elf Britches…" Sirius snorted and I shot him a dirty look and said, "I've been exercising my odd-cravings privileges."

The Healer nodded and asked me to drink a potion. After I did he flicked his wand a couple of times and listened to my belly and proclaimed me in perfect health. He said that they'd put me in their records and I should come in for check-ups before the birth to make sure everything was okay.

We left Mungo's smiling even though we came in really sad. I like to think that that is a productive day. If a gloomy one.

August 15, 1975

Do you want to know what we got in today? An owl. Not just any owl. The Black Family owl.

As soon as we saw it we knew that whatever this was, was not good. Sirius tried to send it off but it didn't leave. I took the letter off and held it out like a Howler.

"If it's poisoned, no offense, but you should open it."

And I wasn't joking. That's the thing about Sirius' mum…she was completely bonkers. Plus there was that whole Regulus loving me thing…

Nothing happened when Sirius opened the letter. Whew. It was reading it that really hurt.

"Bloody hell." He held out the note to me.

_Sirius-_

_Though you have disgraced the family and betrayed your blood, I have it on good authority that you and a Miss Aspen Stanton are expecting. I also hear that she is a Stanton by blood, at least you have good taste. _

_I would like to meet this woman who is going to have my first grandchild. _

_You will come to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black on the 28th of August. Your presence is required, though I am tempted to exclude you._

_Ethelda Black_

"Bloody hell." I said.

This was going to be one hell of a tea party.

August 19, 1975

I swear it's the nerves, it's got to be the nerves. I mean, Sirius' family is nuts. I don't want to be close with them but I don't want them to vehemently hate me to the point of attempted homicide either.

So I was compensating by hitting the Peppermint Pixies really hard. I gained five pounds.

Twenty- nine bloody pounds.

Plus, Sirius might be going back into Auror training next week... and he'll have to take a day to come with me if it does start back up because I'm not going there alone.

August 23, 1975

So we argued about names today. Like argued.

Sirius seems to think it would be fitting to name a boy Padfoot. He actually wants to name our child Padfoot. But wait there's more! He also thought Shep was cute. I assume that's because he thinks it would be_ funny_ for our child to forever go through a roll call as Black, Shep.

Don't think that it's over! Shep Orion Black. Initials? S.O.B. As though it's not bad enough that mine are A.S.S. We have to scar the baby too.

As for girls names? February. He wants to name our child after the month it was conceived in. February! February I tell you!

And he didn't like _my_ suggestions! No! He doesn't like Dyllis! Dyllis is a fair name! Dyllis Georgina Black. I like Scarlet too. Scarlet Black…hmm…maybe he was right about that one.

But how could he not like Basil? I like Basil!

Have you ever really really needed a taco? I did. I needed a taco.

How's Taco for a name?

August 27, 1975

As if we hadn't been stressed out enough, we got the last owl we wanted today.

James father passed away last night.

It was really peaceful and he wasn't in any pain. Like I said, he was just very old. But that doesn't make it easier. James and Sirius spent all day with Mrs. Potter. Remus and Peter showed up and they all basically kept to themselves. Lily and I were in the same boat, we were just the girlfriends. We really hadn't known the Potters overly well.

The arrangements were made for two days time, enough to get out all the owls to all the Potters friends.

It's amazing what death spawns… Sirius sent in his resignation from Auror's school that day. He said, "Life's short and though it'd be fun to be an Auror, right now I think I'll just help out Dumbledore and you. I can always get my Auror training done, but I can't always help fight a war or help raise my baby…so let's get our priorities straight."

God love that man, he can be really very sweet sometimes.

We could even get our heads on calmly enough to actually discuss the baby. And its name.

We decided that we wanted to give it a unisex name. That way no matter what it was when it was born, it would get a name that would suit it. We agreed on something tamable but with some spunk. Something you could live with but nothing boring.

Now we just had to figure out what the hell that was.

Tomorrow is our fateful tea with Sirius' mum…and neither of us are in the mood to be bullied by the Black side of the family. We'll go but we've decided we're going just to say "Bugger off or we'll hex you".

It's a little sad, becoming serious…but being with a Marauder I know that won't last very long.

_Author's Note: Ok…who's feeling adventurous? On to Grimmauld Place we go!_

_Also, what I would really really like (in the attempt to make everything British except the metric system…cause dammit I'm American and we're not going to be changing pounds into kilos cause that's mathematics that I definitely am not capable of doing) I would like a list of British insults (I.e. prat, blighter, berk…etc) and what they correspond to in American (I.e. Jerk, wimp, etc…) that I might better suit the insults to the cause. Up to now I've been guessing and I keep thinking that I'm guessing wrong._

_I know we were actually kind of Serious this chapter…but I figured that the Black Family Tea would just be too much fun and in order to keep to the Drama end of the categorizing, I do occasionally have to be serious._

_Hope it wasn't too heavy!_

_Review please!_


	3. The Tea from HELL

A/N- Its been a while and I apologize, but life is a bit hectic. Anywho, here's the story!

Chapter 3- Tea from HELL

August 28, 1975- The Day of Black

Do you ever stand in front of your mirror when you've gained 31 pounds and looked as though you've swallowed a small cow and you have to meet the mother of your child's father and you say to yourself: which maternity shirt do I wear?

Well, if you haven't the choices are black with letters surrounded in flames that say Hot Mama or beige with burgundy letters that say Made in the 70s or blue with a yellow diamond that says Baby on Board or a skin colored shirt with the imprint of a very sexy red lace bra that appears to have a strap falling out and says My Other Shirt is a Nursing Bra.

Choices, choices, choices.

I was wearing a red patterned peasant skirt because all of my jeans were no longer able to button even under the swell and I had decided that I would be forced to wear flip flops for the rest of time because my feet would never stop swelling. As it was I was braless (because….I just was. They're all too small right now and I give up) and standing in front of my wardrobe with my arms crossed over my chest and resting on my stomach pouting at Sirius, "Please pick one, I can't decide."

He looked harassed. And he was, this was the thousandth time I'd asked the question and it was the thousandth time he was going to say "Whatever you want".

I guess he had decided to put an end to the vicious cycle that we were going through and stormed over to my closet, threw all the shirts onto the bottom, slammed the door, aimed his wand and said "Randomi!"

Out flew the beige and burgundy one and I held it up and said, "Hmm….I think I'll wear the Hot Mama one instead."

In favor of getting into a fight, Sirius just stormed into the kitchen and flew back a shot of Firewhiskey. I don't blame him, I'm difficult and we were heading out to see his family. Even Lily would be driven to drink if she had to meet Mrs. Black.

So after I situated my shirt over my HUGE belly (I'm convinced I'm eventually going to give birth to a fully grown two year old) we hopped on the motorbike and off we flew.

I'd never been to Grimmauld Place and I hope I don't go back. It's a big house and a bit intimidating. Especially the part where the door opens to reveal a wand aimed at your head and a smelly house elf glaring at you.

Sirius pretended to smile through his teeth but he couldn't erase that look of sheer hate, "'Ello mum…move Kretcher."

Kretcher moved but Mrs. Black didn't lower her wand.

"Is this Miss Stanton?" She pretended that Sirius was a butler or something. I suppose they both wanted to forget that he was her son. Oh boy, was that day shaping off to be good or what?

"Yeah that's Aspen now let us in, will you?" He shoved the house elf further against the wall and pulled me in, holding my hand with a death grip.

Mrs. Black closed the door behind us and looked at us as we stood in the doorway. Sirius was dressed in dark jeans and a black shirt, he was still really torn up about James' dad and I knew one wrong word would be enough to send him into hexes.

I couldn't tell if she looked at me as more of a dung beetle or a doxy, but whatever she had deemed me as was probably not good.

"I certainly didn't expect to see you so…ripe? This way." And she began down a hall and into a room I assume was where Sirius and I were going to drink tea that was undoubtedly poisoned.

"Listen, she's evil and you know she's evil. Just hold your own and we'll be out of here in a bit." Sirius was still holding my hand as though he was afraid I'd be sucked into a stray Portkey and he didn't want to be left out.

Kretcher came up from behind us and poked us in the legs, "Come, come this way, the blood traitor will, please. This way."

Sirius looked as though he would've liked nothing better then to put a hard kick square in Kretcher's arse but I stopped him. He could do it later when I could be assured Mrs. Black wasn't a couple doors down with a wand and an illegal curse at the ready.

We went into that tea-room like we were going to the guillotine. Close enough I suppose.

"Sit down." Mrs. Black was already seated.

I sat, Sirius sat nearly on top of me. He constantly looked as though he was ready to take a hex for me.

Let's just say it wasn't putting me at ease.

Kretcher handed me tea but had the I-spit-in-it grin so I just pretended to sip it and dumped it in a potted plant when Mrs. Black was looking the other way. Sirius didn't even pretend and said flat out he wouldn't touch anything they gave him.

That house elf scares me a bit, he's a bit mad. Bit too in love with Mrs. Black if you ask me, he would probably bronze her bloomers if he could. Creepy little git.

"So…your family are purebloods, are they not?" I could definitely see a bit of Sirius' arrogance in his mother…only like amplified by a million and really nasty to boot.

"Yeah, but we're not really in touch at the moment."

"Why is that?"

"Well…I told them that I didn't agree with what they believed in and that I was dating a Gryffindor. That pretty much excluded me from the family picnics. Not that I mind, they weren't very good to begin with."

Mrs. Black arched an eyebrow at me, "And just what practices didn't you agree with?"

I mimicked her, "Just that little tiny thing about killing off the muggle borns."

She looked at me hard, "You certainly can't tell me that you _like_ them?"

"Course I do. Nothing wrong with them."

Mrs. Black looked disgusted. Oh yeah, less then a minute and she already didn't like me. Maybe we'd be home in time to catch the last bit of the Puddlemore game on the wireless. Maybe I could finally find out how a one armed Snitch scored fifty points for Ireland. Maybe cows could fly.

She stood up really abruptly and said, "Do you mean to tell me that you agree with my…._son_….and those ridiculous ideas about equal blood?"

"Damn straight I do."

"You aren't going to raise a _child_ around a society full of _Mudbloods_ are you?"

"_Damn straight I will!_"

She made a face. It would've been funny to see her make a face if it wasn't so serious a circumstance. Sitting down she looked like she was smelly something foul and she snapped her fingers for Kretcher.

"Bring me my bank-book, will you please?"

Bank book?

What was she going to try to beat me to death with it? There were more convenient objects for that. I looked over at Sirius and he had this very suspicious expression. He mouthed to me, _Get ready to run._

Get ready to run?

What the bloody hell was she going to do with that bank book?

I was quite taken aback when I saw it was a normal looking bank book. When she got it she took a quill and some ink and took out a withdrawal slip.

"I cannot in good conscience let a pureblood baby be allowed to mix with filth. I doubt you two are going to be doing anything worthwhile enough to earn the kind of money a child like that deserves to have. I offer you a million galleons for it. I'll raise it here in a home of prestige and power and you can go back to doing unspeakable things in public broom closets."

Normally I would be concerned as to how she found out about the broom closet but I was too enraged. Sirius and I stood bolt upright and he screamed at her, "YOU RUDDY HAG! How DARE you do such a thing! How DARE you!"

"You can't buy this baby!" I screamed and put my arms around my stomach. Which is hard, it's quite big.

"Can you afford to keep it?" She looked at us, unfazed by our screaming, "Two million galleons. It's more then you deserve."

Sirius whipped out his wand at the exact same moment I whipped out mine. A few minutes and some choice words later, we were running (in my case wobbling at a faster pace then normal) out of the room where a giant canary with its tail feathers on fire was being chased by a rabid raccoon. We were nearly to the door when Sirius stopped and ran back in.

A minute later he was dashing out and as we hopped onto the bike and made to get away I asked, "Why did you go back in?"

"To kick Kretcher!"

Before we got too far away we heard Regulus scream, "MOMMY! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!"

So it ended well after all.

August 31, 1975

I am now up to a grand total of 37.5 added on pounds. It can't be healthy that I've gained six and a half pounds after that scene with Sirius' mum.

Me and the garbage disposal taking residence in my womb had decided since that fateful tea that we really liked Thai food with whipped cream on it. Don't ask, I couldn't tell you.

Sirius' mum did spark a bit of turmoil in my happy home. Now Sirius and I were both a little bit more worried then we had been about money. I was working odd hours at the potions store and Sirius had found a part time job with a Customizer (the guy that puts spells on mechanical stuff). We're not spending and have decided that our respective inheritances will have to spread themselves out for a bit.

We'd work more but that Voldemort character is making it hard. Everyday more and more muggles are attacked. Everyday more and more wizards turn up dead.

The other night a young couple from the Order, Frank and Alice Longbottom had a run-in with some Death Eaters and narrowly escaped.

In other news, James and Lily have moved into the flat that they had been "considering" moving into during school. I never got a definite answer about it but I'm pretty sure that Lily had nixed those plans when I became a blimp with a weird appetite out of fear she would have to endure the same fate. But since Mr. Potter was dead and Mrs. Potter wasn't getting any younger, James knew he had to move out and live on his own.

He also knew that he really wanted Lily to be there with him and she agreed.

The funeral was a big growing up phase for James and you could tell that he wasn't as over it as he told people he was.

But he isn't a mope, at least. He's getting on with life. Like, for example, all the Marauder's went over to James and Lily's apartment to have a house-warming party. We were all sitting about playing "Never have I ever" with (non-alcoholic, sadly) shots and Sirius and I were losing _terribly_.

You know its bad when you have to take a shot on "Never have I ever shagged on a chandelier while a ghost was present."

Hey, we did _not_ ask the Bloody Baron to be there, it was completely coincidental!

A/N- So its only 2 entries but I want to add September in its entirety. For those of you who don't know, Never have I ever is a drinking game where if you have done the thing that is stated you have to take a shot. At least…I think it is. I don't drink so I don't know but from what I hear it's a fair guess.

So, what did we think? Comments, questions? I am still open to anyone suggesting anything funny! Suggest stuff, I am not a bottomless pit of funny!

REVIEW!

But don't suggest baby names, please. Although Shep was a spot of genius (if I do say so myself) (lol) I _do_ have a name in mind (as Machiavelli Jr so predicted!).

But anything else is welcome!

(btw- you can all thank Machiavelli Jr for the tea with Sirius' mum, a few chapters back she requested that Aspen meet Mrs. Black so I have done my best to make it a memorable meeting)

How did you guys like the meeting?

Sorry it's a short chappy, school sucks!


	4. Caviar and Milk Duds

A/N- I apologize for the misspellings, as you all know Word doesn't exactly appreciate words of the Harry Potter universe. I'll try to fix them…when I'm not busy and not updating. As it is, some brilliant reviewer (you know who you are) suggested something that made me jump right back in the saddle of writing after a break of, what, a day? Two?

Chapter 4- Caviar and Milk Duds

September 4, 1975

Was helping Lily move some of her stuff into James' place. Remus and Peter were helping out while James and Sirius snuck off to (and I quote) "See a man about a halibut with a tutu" and Lily and I decided that we were just going to let boys be boys.

During the unpacking process (note: have become VERY thankful for levitating spells as I can't bend over to tie my shoes) (another note: haven't seen my shoes in a very long time and am simply hoping I'm wearing some) I worked up a bit of a sweat. Well, its an easy thing to do when your forty pounds heavier then you should be and the humidity is lingering around 85 percent. So I took off the tee-shirt I was wearing (one of Sirius' old ones that I had stretched so far around the middle that he would never be able to get fat enough to fit in it) and was working in my tank top.

Have I mentioned that my boobs are currently about….oh…the size of watermelons? It's true! They have magically quadrupled in size and like I've said, I no longer hold too much stock in bras.

So in the process of unpacking, apparently I failed to notice that my bosoms were swelling almost completely out of my shirt.

And I failed to notice that Peter was mesmerized by the two attributes of mine that Sirius has fondly nicknamed "Minnie" and "Mouse" (he used to joke that they were small, ha bloody ha to him now!). So mesmerized that when Sirius and James apparated in he dropped a large box of glassware onto a part of his body in which (previously) rested Mrs. Pettigrew's hopes for grandchildren.

That sent everyone (except Peter) into such torrential peals of laughter that I nearly wet myself.

On a (somewhat) related note: Sirius decided to investigate the source of Peter's hypnotism which led to us…"christening" James and Lily's guestroom.

Apparently their walls are really thin.

Ha bloody ha.

September 12, 1975

Sirius and James are cunning and awful little brutes.

So I've cracked the code….ok…they broke the code but at least I was aware that there _was_ a code.

The Marauders, Lily and me (I.e. the Cow) all went out for dinner with Mrs. Potter. It would've been her 47th anniversary with Mr. Potter and we all decided to keep her company. Well, I thought we had all decided to keep her company, apparently other plans were in motion but more on that later.

So they took us to a really fancy restaurant. You know, so fancy that they give you a portion the size of a Knut. Oh yes give a women forty two pounds overweight a portion that isn't the size of my swollen big toe. So I decided that since James (and the _enormous_ Potter fortune) were paying I was going to eat for two….twice over.

Don't judge me! I am not responsible for the fact that caviar and Milk Duds were apparently the combination to send my unborn piranha into a feeding frenzy. I was only happy I had those Milk Duds in my purse, or else the caviar might have been useless.

Anyway I was halfway through my third piece of cheesecake (they were tiny!) and Sirius was completing his fourth anecdote about Hogwarts (this one involving Remus, a house elf and a very agitated toaster) when Mrs. Potter was laughing so hard she was nearly crying.

"Oh James! What delightful friends you have! Every one of them sweet as sugar! Your father would've loved tonight so much."

Everyone got quiet, we didn't know if we should comment. Then James looked at Sirius and wiggled his eyebrows and went solemn faced, "Mum, I do think you're right. Dad would've loved to be here. It's always meant a lot to me that you both approved of my friends and accepted them as if they were your own."

He turned to Lily and held her hand, "And it means the world to me that you feel as strongly about Lily as I do."

He reached into his pocket and said, "Lily, when my father first met you he told me that I had finally gotten some sense knocked into me when I fell in love with you, and I like to think that he was right."

And he dropped down on one knee, "Lily, you mean more to me then its possible to convey. I can't recall starting to love you, but I know I can't stop. This is the day, forty-seven years ago that my parents decided to take a leap of faith with one another…Lily will you take that leap with me? Will you marry me?"

She was crying so hard it took three tries to say "yes". Mrs. Potter was crying too. Peter was crying. Remus was crying. Sirius was crying.

I was signaling the waiter for my fourth slice of cheesecake…I would cry after dessert.

September 13, 1975

I spent all day crying, the proposal caught up with me.

Sirius tried to comfort me but I kept hitting him with a pillow until he revealed that he and James had been planning the whole dinner for months.

I hit him with the pillow twice and commented that when he proposed to me, the planning better have taken a lot longer and the outcome five times as cute.

September 25, 1975

Have been having a horrible flashback of the early days of pregnancy. Terrible vomiting all the time. Sirius thought I was dying, he had a panic attack. Flooed me to Mungo's and they basically said "She's got a bug, sorry.".

A bug? I must've had a bloody infestation!

I lost three pounds. The first descent of the scale in months. Though I'm feeling better now.

September 27, 1975

Have spent a couple of days going over things in the baby's room. Tidying up the crib. A whole slew of Order members have been dropping by to see if I felt better and I thought it was really nice of them.

Maybe it's because in like…three weeks? Four? I was going to be having a baby and I was suddenly fixated on the room. It was the only part of the whole baby thing that didn't scare the shit out of me.

It was lovely. Pastel greens and yellows with cartoon lions and caterpillars (I mean…I wasn't going to put _snakes_ in the baby's room) and the floor was covered in a really soft green carpet and all the furniture was painted the same yellow as the walls. Yellow rocking chair, yellow crib. And the animals! There were stuffed animals! They were all enchanted to cuddle with you when you held them. We had lambs, bears, bunnies…

It was nicer then my room had been. And Sirius'. The old pureblood families were long on tradition and short on cuddly animals for the playroom. In fact, there weren't playrooms. In my house all the rooms were painted bronze and all the upholstery was deep blood red. In Sirius' house, everything was black or Slytherin colors. Neither was very suitable for a baby, we thought.

Our parents would never have approved, but I think we did a fine job with the room. Nicer then the rest of our place anyway.

September 28, 1975

Caught Sirius playing with all the baby's toys.

Sometimes it feels like I'm already taking care of a child!

A child who is a very good shag.

That previous statement was wrong on _so_ many levels.

A/N- Short again but we've got to hold our breathe for October. After all, baby's only take 9 months, and unless my math is wrong, we are approaching month 9.

Anyone excited? I'm not in a very funny mood…I'm sick. I'm sick and I'm probably getting glasses, so I apologize for the lack of humor but I did my best and that's all I can do.

Hope you guys liked it.

REVIEW! Please REVIEW!


	5. The Month the Rent is Due

A/N- Bad author! I'm a very bad author for not updating…but at least I can admit that I have a problem (too bad there's not a 12 step cure for updating)

Btw- have become OBSESSED with the show Lost….start writing some Sawyer/OCs people! Come on! Kate is _obviously_ going to marry Jack. And have many little convict doctor babies.

And Charlie/Claire? HOW CUTE!

Though, not a fan of the Sayid/Shannon…I maintain that Shannon is his toy on the island and that Nadia is waiting in LA for Mr. Communications Officer to return to her

Now for those of you who don't speak Lost-ese, more Harry Potter!

**October 1975- The Month that the Rent is Due**

October 3, 1975

Ok, so this gigantic tub of baby in my tummy has been lounging about for how long? 9 months? Ok, fair enough now get the hell out is my opinion on the matter.

I mean, my back hurts, my feet hurt, my head hurts, I'm constantly peeing.

Sometimes I just knock on my stomach (or the humpback whale as Sirius calls it) and say "GET A JOB AND MOVE OUT YOU BUM!"

That's when Sirius goes out to buy more Tabasco sauce, it calms me down a bit.

October 5, 1975

Lily is basically living with us because every time I see Sirius I lunge at him throat saying "YOU DID THIS TO ME!". He's hiding out with James but sometimes I rather wish Lily would just let me kill him.

After all, I really want to strangle something and I think the Wizengamot might side with me murdering Sirius but it might take some convincing for them to let me get away with "Evans-soon-to-be-Potter showed me her bloody engagement ring one time too many!".

I really wish I had a Puffskein.

LATER

I have a cat…where is that bloody cat?

October 9, 1975

Spent all day enduring Lily as she poured over these Bridal Magazines. Ruddy hell, every wedding caterer, officiator, and seemstress in the known universe must've heard Lily was getting married. I couldn't see over the pile of magazines piled in front of me! And they had this ugly paisley pattern….um….hmm…that would be my massive stomach. But the magazines were still really tall!

October 14, 1975

9 MONTHS TO THE DAY GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT!

God! I should charge it rent!

LATER

Am hot. Hot and achy and tired.

My feet are swollen.

October 17, 1975

Lily mentioned that sex is supposed to kick labor into starting, so Sirius has recently moved back in. I didn't think it was possible but we've reached the point where he was almost crying and said, "Please, Sweet Merlin, let me rest! I am not a machine, woman! I am a human being!"

So much for the sex ploy.

October 19, 1975

Where the hell is this baby? You know I wasn't looking forward to labor pains but I'm thinking anything is better then hanging out in the pregnancy limbo.

LATER

There's this salad that's suppose to induce labor.

LATER-ER

Ate seven salads.

No labor, just indigestion. Bugger.

October 20, 1975

James and Lily had major run-in with the Death Eaters. Lily was Crucio-ed. Spent all day in Mungo's with her. Apparently they were almost face-to-face with this Voldemort character. And apparently he's an ugly brute.

October 24, 1975

Burst into tears today, I JUST WANT TO NOT BE PREGNANT ANYMORE!

October 27, 1975

Sirius caught me talking to my stomach. I was bribing the baby with a brand new racing broom for their first birthday if they just got the hell out.

LATER

Baby did not talk the bait.

Bugger.

October 29, 1975

Even Sirius is getting concerned now…October is basically over! I mean, we're going on 10 months! That is _so_ not fair! Molly Weasley had her latest set in 8 months and I'm bordering on 10? WHERE IS THE JUSTICE.

October 30, 1975

My back has been twitchy all day. Bugger to lower backs everywhere!

LATER

Those pains really aren't going away. Potion doesn't help. Must call Lily.

LATER-ER

Lily's here. We've just been pacing about chit-chatting about her wedding (grr) and rubbing my back.

LATER-ER-ER

OMG MY WATER BROKE! INTENSE PAIN! WILL WRITE LATER!

BUGGER!

BUGGER!

BUGGER!

BUGGER!

BUGGER!

BUGGER!

BUGGER!

BUGGER!

A/N- Short but sweet, that would be a plot point forming there. So, guess what happens next?

BABY!

This is basically the bridge to the birth, I know that's evil but I figured the birth would be a long entry.

Sorry it's so short, but if you were big as a house and nearly 10 months pregnant you'd be terse as well!

REVIEW even though its short and almost pointless! (almost…except for that whole labor thing)


	6. The Procrastination BEGINS

A/N- So I'm making a concentrated effort to make this longer and to put it up faster.

On a personal note: Sawyer is so cute, and Locke should've been killed a while ago. He's just freaky. I wish Ana-Lucia hadn't totally bitch-slapped Sawyer tho…it puts a shade on his masculinity. Sawyer should be permitted to walk around shirtless at all times. It should be a rule. This week's episode was not what I expected.

Ok so….baby time!

_**October 30, 1975**_

**_Hi…this is Sirius….this is awkward. Um, Aspen is 'Is in an extreme amount of discomfort and I should take any part of myself I don't want seriously damaged far away from her. Oh, and she said to tell the diary she said hi' (At that point I think the calming potion was starting to hit her). But even though she said to say hi to a book (a _lovely_ book) I am the arse actually saying hi to his girlfriend's diary._**

**_And I haven't read a single…_HA BLOODY HA I _KNEW_ I WAS BIGGER THAN JAMES! HA BLOODY HA!**

_**Okay…so I read a couple of lines in the journal…nothing here that can hurt me.**_

_**(blood stain on page)**_

_**OUCH! Bloody book bit me! Should've known she'd have it charmed. OUCH! I'M NOT LOOKING ANYMORE! **_

**_So, I was resting at James' house trying to escape the sexual deviance of my girlfriend in her quest to induce labor. Now, she doesn't seem to be having a very pleasant time with this labor-business so I don't know why she was so anxious to get it. And I never thought I would live to see the day that I would say no to sex…but that's the miracle of Aspen, proving conventional thoughts wrong everyday. _**

**_Right, so at James' house and he's looking through Bridal magazines (I wouldn't touch them and told him that he _really_ needs to reclaim his balls from Lily because he's actually _becoming_ a lesbian a little bit more everyday) when I get this frantic owl from Lily that says Aspen's en route to Mungo's to have the baby. _**

_**That's fun news. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or piss myself. Went for all three. **_

_**Got that owl at five thirty this evening. It is nearly 11 o'clock and according to the Healers Aspen is hardly any closer to birth than she was six hours ago.**_

_**I guess this is Karma for all those years of strolling into class twenty minutes late, now my kid's going to be taking their own sweet time.**_

_**Alright, I'm going to check on Aspen, I promised to peek in every six hours or so, just to make sure everything was alright…**_

_**15 minutes later**_

_**SHE CHUCKED A BUCKET OF ICE AT MY HEAD!**_

_**I peek my head in and say "How goes the birthing, carrier of my seed?" and she CHUCKS A BUCKET AT MY HEAD! It was FULL of ice! **_

**_She looked bloody frightening too. All sweaty and red and kind of resembling a pissed off hippogriff. After I come traipsing out with a bucket of ice under my arm (which I'm eating because it's a shame to let good ice go to waste) James says that I'm being a prat and he'd go in and talk to her._**

_**And in the door he went. **_

_**Let me make sure you got that he went INSIDE the room. I didn't make it past the doorframe and he went inside.**_

_**When he came out he was walking funny and mumbled something about an ice-sickle and not sitting down and going to see a Healer. Lily came running out a few minutes later yelling "Don't clench it'll go up further! James! Don't clench!"**_

_**So right now we are into hour six of the Junior Sirius' Procrastination into Life (because, let's face it, if it's mine and Aspen's, what else is it going to be?)**_

_**I'll check up on you in a bit…I've never seen James make that face before….BUGGER DON'T CLENCH!**_

A/N- So…I know it's short but it's a really fast update! I'm stealing time here and I didn't want to be a long time in updating because I was really debating the use of Sirius' POV and instead of dragging out the internal debate for a few days, I decided to just do it consequences be damned.

So the labor has begun, and here is the big question: Aspen or Sirius? I'm thinking Sirius cause Aspen's kind of busy delivering a baby….but maybe she could magic quill it or something?

This was just a teaser, sorry to be so cruel. I'll try to get the next one up in a day or two!

REVIEW!


	7. Halloween among other miracles

A/N- So I see we all agree that Sirius' POV….well half right. Though I did have an idea (and someone else suggested it, I was so happy!) that Aspen is going to insert comments here and there (by….some means, let's not ask too many questions…)

Hope you guys get it! Like, I hope its not too confusing.

BTW- Skate fics have to start going into the Post-Island land….

AND Doom comes out soon! When it does I fully except some Karl Urban fics to sprout out of the ground, ok?

HERE WE GO!

_**Sirius**_

_Aspen_

_**October 31, 1975 – Halloween among other miracles**_

_**We're up to hour 9 in the labor process…no real advancement. Although ever since James came back from the Healer's sitting on a bag of ice he's been smart enough to stick by me. **Should never have come inside, the prat._

_**Lily ventured back inside the room…it must be like a secret club of some sort. Only those with vaginas may enter unharmed. **Well only those with vaginas understand! The rest of you are all just pricks. Hmm, double entendre there._

_**I think Lily would've wreaked some revenge for poor James, but even she's not going to mess with a woman 9 hours in labor with an eternity left to go. **Damn straight._

_**To be continued…**easy for you to say, you don't feel like your arse is falling out! **Amen.**_

_**LATER**_

_**15 hours since that ruddy owl interrupting the Witch Weekly Wedding Edition bonanza James was having and still no baby. Not even any pushing! **_

_**No one told me I'd be this long a bloody wait, I would've done something constructive with the time. Like flown around the world on a rickety broom. **_

_**At least after the first 12 hours Aspen allowed me to come inside the room. Lily was about to fall over in her chair she was so tired and Aspen needed someone to pester. So naturally she thought of me. **Of course I did, you got me into this mess and your going to have to sit through it now! This is your fault! **It takes two!** Fine this is HALF your fault and don't you ruddy well forget it!_

_**Gotta love her. I've been a dog-animagus for a while now, but I've never felt more like a golden retriever then in that waiting room. "Get me ice" "Get me a damp cloth" "Rub my shoulders" "Hold my hand". No 'please', no 'thank you', no 'honey'. **Oh, I'm sorry. Please get me from freaking ice and thank you for putting me in such a condition, honey. **Was that so hard? **We're never having sex again. **Now, now, don't say things you don't mean. **I mean it! No more labor! I'll live without sex! Better yet! I'll become a lesbian! **If you become a lesbian…can I watch? **GET SOME MORE ICE! _

_**LATER-ER**_

_**It was 10 am when Dumbledore and the gang came in. 17 hours since the labor began. McGonagall brought flowers, Frank and Alice brought flowers, Hagrid brought flowers, Mad-Eye brought flowers, Lupin brought flowers, Dumbledore brought socks and Peter brought nothing. **And I don't even like bloody flowers, I like pain numbing potion._

_I like Tabasco sauce. Go get some Tabasco sauce._

_**No! No more bloody Tabasco Sauce! I'm up to here with ruddy Tabasco Sauce! If I never see Tabasco Sauce again it'll be too soon!**_

_UNLESS YOU WANT TO SUFFER GREATLY YOU WILL FIND ME SOME TABASCO SAUCE REALLY RUDDY FAST! _

_**I left her in Lupin's hands (as she's a bit opposed to Peter touching her) and went halfway around London trying to track down Tabasco sauce. **_

_**When I came back she was in the middle of a contraction and squeezing Lupin's hand so hard that it came out of her grip bent to one side. Safe to say he wasn't disappointed to be relegated to the waiting room. Lucky bastard. **_

**_Hour 19 of the labor commences as I skip my third meal to stay next to Aspen who has also skipped three meals because she can't eat anything while she's in labor. Just ice. Lots and lots of ruddy ice. Oh! And you know what she did when I showed her the Tabasco sauce? _Vomited_. She blew chunks because it smelled bad. _**

_It smelled bad! Made my tummy go all wonky, not my fault. **SO your fault. **Your fault I'm pregnant, your fault the Tabasco sauce entered into the equation at all. **That's not fair! **NEITHER IS LABOR!_

_**LATER-ER**_

_**We're nearing three o'clock. That 21 bloody hours! That's nearly a day! Though she's getting closer, she's inching along towards the actual pushing part. INCHING. **_

_**Am I being punished? **I wish so, you prat. You have NO IDEA what your doing to me and it's going to get worse before it gets better! _

_**I am so hungry. **And I'm not? I'm also trying to deal with the pain of something the size of a goat trying to move through something the size of a quarter! **A quarter? Come on! No offense, dear, but a quarter? **_

_**SHE HIT ME WITH THE RUDDY ICE BUCKET! This labor is going to kill me!**_

_**LATER-ER-ER-ER….**_

_**It's 10 o'clock. 28 hours. **_

_**Aspen's right, we're never having sex again! **SHUT UP YOU BASTARD! SHUT UP AND LET ME SQUEEZE YOUR HAND!_

_**Bloody hell! SHE'S PUSHING! SHE'S PUSHING!**_

_**OUCH RUDDY HELL WOMAN I NEED THAT HAND FOR ALL THE NIGHTS WE WON'T BE HAVING SEX! DON'T DAMAGE IT! **_

_**Dear Sweet Merlin! I never…my good god…is she really….oh, that's not going to fit. **OF COURSE IT DOESN'T FIT YOU BASTARD! AND IT'S YOUR FAULT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN THIS IS OVER!_

_**Oh…oh my…DON'T RIP! I NEED THAT INTACT!...HOLY DINGBATS!...Um…There's a rather large, red, squiggly thing the size of a goat COMING OUT OF MY GIRLFRIEND'S VAGINA! **_

_**OH MY GOD THAT MUST HURT! **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_

_YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD! YOU BASTARD!_

…_**.10:31 pm on October the 31, 1975. Does my baby have a sense of humor or what?**_

_**That was…wow. I mean…wow. Aspen just, I mean, she, wow. **_

_**The Healers are cleaning up the baby and Aspen looks thoroughly exhausted. With good reason! I'm thoroughly exhausted and I didn't just do…well…wow. **_

_**She's holding it! JAMES GET THE RUDDY CAMERA! Oh my….WOW. She's holding the…Aspen what is it? They didn't say. **Girl, it's a little girl._

_Don't say it, Sirius!_

_**Say what? That she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen? Aside from her mum, that is. **_

_**What we calling her? **_

_I can choose? _

_**You just…I mean you…wow. Yes. **_

_Britain. Let's call her Britain._

… _**like the country we live in? **_

_I was named after a place and it's been perfectly lovely._

…_**it's a place is all. You don't like February? Or Halloween?**_

_That's a month and a holiday!_

_**Both of which are appropriate! It's all Hallow's Eve this kid kicked out! **_

_Britain is a fine name!_

_**How about Hallow for the middle one? She needs something to fall back on!**_

_I JUST WENT THROUGH A TWENTY EIGHT HOUR LABOR WE'RE NAMING HER BRITAIN!_

_**Britain Hallow it is.**_

_**SHE HIT ME WITH ANOTHER RUDDY ICE BUCKET! SOMEONE TAKE THE ICE BUCKETS AWAY FROM HER!**_

A/N- Well, there you have it! Britain Hallow Black. I like the name Britain, it's been mulling around in association with the character for a while. Hallow I threw in there, seems like something Sirius would do. So here we have it! The birth of the Black baby!

What does everyone think?

REVIEW


	8. Leakage

A/N- Sorry to be so late with the updating, I just submitted my Early Decision Application to The College of New Jersey (points to TCNJ tee-shirt and gives the thumbs up). It looks good for my admission there, I'm only applying there and Marist. Cause I'm weird.

Sorry that its taking so long…this is what my faithful cling-ons will recognize as normal updating times. It's sad but true.

So…here's the rest! After Britain's birth comes…well…you'll see.

AND MACHIAVELLI JR YOU SLY DEVIL! I was IN TEARS laughing at your review! In tears! I was like…Oh dear God I will have to find a way to use this. Somehow. It's too clever.

To the rest of you: Thanks for sticking with me all this time.

IMPORTANT NOTE: We have returned to Aspen's point of view.

Chapter 8- Leakage

November 1, 1975

So….yesterday was …_fun_.

I hurt in my womanly parts and my boobies are leaking. Leaking! What am I? Defective plumbing?

But the plus side is I have the cutest baby in the entirety of the world. One look at this kid and sugar goes sour.

But after 28 hours of labor she better be able to cure Fizzlelumps or tame dragons…not that I don't love her with all my heart and soul but…_ow_!

She's adorable. Weighs in at 11 pounds 4 ounces…fat cow. I _knew_ that weight wasn't just my fat! I _knew_ I had to be carrying a whale!

Sirius is beside himself…well, he's asleep right now but I assure you he's beside himself. He's snoring a song, that means happy.

We've taken so many pictures that a camera actually refused to work, it's shutter thingy gave out in exhaustion. But the pictures should be cute and that's what matters.

So maybe I should tell you about the CUTEST BABY IN ALL THE UNIVERSE?

So she's short, chubby and short, and has this cap of messy black hair (upon seeing thing Sirius gave James a funny look, apparently it was a little _too_ messy) and big blue eyes (which Lily claims will change but I told her that she said the same thing about James and look where that got her) and big, pink chubby cheeks! And big, pink chubby hands! And big, pink chubby legs!

Basically she's big and pink and chubby!

And she sleeps a lot and eats a lot (definitely Sirius' baby).

Apparently she's the reason my boobs leak, but I'm still annoyed. Apparently this means I need to buy a bra…and I thought I was through with them. Alas! Leakage equals bra that will get soaked and show leakage on my shirt.

I'm tired…and my parts hurt…and I'm leaking. And why am I still fat? Sleepy time.

November 3, 1975

We took her home today!

It was the most precious thing! We put her in diapers and wrapped her in a little blanket and some footy-jumpsuits and we brought her home.

You know, I never saw Sirius check a Floo that thoroughly before in his life! You'd think the dust would kill the baby.

Merlin but she's so cute!

And she loved her room!

Ok, so she was asleep when we got there, but I know she'll love it! We put her in her pretty crib and wrapped her in a pretty blanket and took some pictures (she's SO DAMN CUTE) and then watched her sleep for 2 hours (before we fell asleep too).

She's SO DAMN CUTE

LATER

Mercy she can scream! Must be my lungs in her!

Britain woke up and started screaming like she was being murdered.

LEAKAGE! Bugger, one shirt down the tubes.

EWWWW! DIAPER! EWW! POO!

Hmm….this sounds like a job for the Sperminator. Oh Sirius! Come be a good father!

Hehehehehhehehehe.

November 5, 1975

If she weren't so damn cute I'd throttle her! You know, I think she's mocking me! She _knows_ that every time she cries I leak from the boobs! And she times it so that I think I can put on my good shirt for a little while so I don't get baby barf on it and BOOM! Crying and INSTANT LEAKAGE.

Bugger! Crying!

She's such an angel when she sleeps….if only she slept more.

November 7, 1975

Haven't been able to write because my child is the spawn of satan. She only sleeps for a couple hours, then she wails until you feed her, play with her, change her diaper, feed her again, let her vomit over you, feed her again, and put her to bed and hope that you can get some sleep when WAHH, there she goes again!

I've taken to simply hitting Sirius and saying, "Tag." When it's 3 a.m. and I just got back into bed.

I like to think he's getting a bit of karma for putting me through that horrid labor…he's lost three band tee-shirts in as many days. Ha bloody ha.

November 10, 1975

So…tired….so…tired…so….LEAKAGE! BUGGER!

November 12, 1975

It's sad when three hours of sleep is a luxury. Like you wake up from that three hour nap and your like "Woo! More then two, I feel ready to _go_!".

Sirius is the master of the playing and the diapers. Once we agreed that I was the Boobinator, he agreed to make-up for the pregnancy and the labor by taking over two thirds of the diaper duty. The playing…he just does. I swear, if I wanted to occupy him I could've just gotten him a bunch of toys to play with. No kid necessary!

You know, he's so happy and frazzled by the lack of sleep that he hasn't yet complained about not having a boy.

And if he's smart (problem there) he'll know not to keep his hopes of trying for a boy too close to his heart.

November 13, 1975

I _knew_ it! I _knew_ it!

Today he's cuddling the baby and I'm eating (I eat more now then I did when I was pregnant! And that's an accomplishment!) and he goes, "So…when are you all healed in the baby-making parts?"

"A couple months, why?" I was in between spoonfuls of ice cream with garlic powder and stopped to stare him right in the eye.

"I just figured while we're on diaper duty for one…maybe we just put the baby-making machine into full gear and see what she can do."

Too bad there wasn't an ice bucket.

The ice-cream made do.

Britain thought it was hilarious, she was giggling so hard that she blew a snot bubble out of her nose.

The weird thing is, Sirius had blown a snot bubble just that morning…eery the resemblance between those two.

November 16, 1975

Literally passed out while trying to make the bed today. Like I was adjusting the sheets and just fell asleep on top of them, only half laying down, and four hours later I woke up feeling like a million galleons.

That's truly sad.

Occupational hazard I guess.

Did you know that babies are mad for the disappear-behind-your-hands game? Britain was mesmerized for over an hour as I disappeared behind my hand over…and over..and over… and….rally it was my call to end the game. There's only so long you can do it before you want to just kill yourself.

November 18, 1975

James and Lily came to call (apparently Lily was chomping at the bit to see the baby but James had managed to hold her back…something about 'practicing the process' and I can only assume that means sex).

Lily is mad for the baby! I mean, she could move in…she loves the cooing and the coddling and the changing of the diapers. She actually envies me the boob leakage.

James gave her this look while she was cuddling Britain and then turned to Sirius and me and said, "So…I'm thinking that the puffkskein I was going to get her for Christmas is going to need human features, diapers and a drooling problem to be up to par..thanks you two."

Sirius gave him a big smile and said, "You could always have one of your own, mate."

James got this sick look and said, "I don't think I can ever go into a maternity ward again…my arse still has flashbacks…."

Lily heard him and clipped him on the ear, "No cursing around the baby!"

"Did you see who the baby's parents are? We don't have to worry about the cursing so much as the screaming orgasms…"

"EARMUFFS!" She clipped him again.

Those two…if there's nothing on the wireless to entertain you, just call over the Potters.

November 20, 1975

BLOODY LEAKAGE!

So the kid decides to wail so hard that she turns the tap (i.e. my boobs) on full throttle, while I'm wearing a white shirt in front of PETER RUDDY PETTIGREW!

Sirius blew a snot bubble he was so amused.

I swear, that baby has Marauder blood in her so thick I'm surprised she hasn't discovered a secret passage out of her crib!

November 23, 1975

Hmm…Thanksgiving…yeah…that's soon. How about this, I'll be bloody thankful if I can stop leaking at the boobs. Is it time to wean her yet?

November 26, 1975

So…James and Lily took the baby for Thanksgiving so that Sirius and I could really have something to be thankful for: sleep.

We slept for 14 straight hours. It was _orgasmic_. I told Sirius that sleep was better then he ever was and he said "Ditto.".

Bastard.

November 29, 1975

So…the baby was sleeping…and we decided that it's been a long time since we've made out on a couch like horny teenagers (which we are, mind you) and we were going at it when Sirius must've pushed like the magic button.

And my boobs leaked.

It was a thrill for him, "They can be _controlled_? It's like a sink or something?"

And just as I thought he couldn't be any sweeter (eye roll).

For the record, there is a way to make him drink milk…

A/N- So…I dunno. They had the Baby. I'm thinking we cruise through James' and Lily's wedding but Harry won't be born for another 3 years if my math holds up…and I'm not sure how long I can entertain this premise.

I'm thinking…we do the wedding and then I'll do a one-shot for various things. Important plot-event things. More on that later.

REVIEW!

I know it's been awhile, I apologize.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN IF I DON'T UPDATE BEFORE THEN!


	9. paper chains equal DEATH

A/N- WOW! I've been horribly neglectful……so the LOTR followers will feel that everything's back to normal! Just kidding…..I know I've uploaded other stuff but you know how the muse works, right? It's on, it's off, it's onnnnnnnnnn then it dies.

I don't think the muse is dead for this story quite yet, but she's definitely been on hiatus.

However….the muse for Eomer/Lothiriel and Sawyer/Kate has been alive and kicking! 4 Skate fics soon to be five! Woot! Check em out if your so inclined!

As it is, here's the next installment.

**December 1975- Baby 1 month old- Parents- BONKERS**

December 2, 1975

Let me tell you something…you can't take Sirius ANYWHERE. Here I thought I'd be the baby that was going to make unseemly public displays to cause me immense embarrassment but no! I have her father to thank for that.

So we're Christmas shopping (and the baby's with us….she's a month old it's not like she's going to _remember_ it or anything) and we go to a toy store so we can get Britain something….or just buy the first thing that she drools over (and with babies you have to take that statement literally! That's a lesson I learned when I brought her to the robes shop….). Sirius went BONKERS when he saw those toys, like was bouncing off the walls and disappearing down isles before racing back with something else and said, "Can I get this?"

After he brought back a "Make Your Own Flesh Eating Slugs" kit, a Boggart impersonator (stick it in closets and watch everyone squirm!), a mini Quidditch set ("that's definitely a choking hazard you git!"), an Easy-Back Cauldron, a tank with a vicious looking three headed lizard, an Ever-Bounce ball ("James' went for 4 months solid before McGonagall blasted it!"), and a Bucking Broom (perfect gag gift for all ages- injuries incurred are not the responsibility of MagiCorp) I finally slapped him and said, "Enough, already!"

And he wells up fit to cry!

"I was just trying to make our firstborn's first Christmas her first fond memory!" He sobbed.

"There are far too many 'firsts' in that sentence for me to comprehend it."

He huffed up and said, "Fine then, what _are_ we going to get her?"

I looked around picked up a little plush bunny hand puppet, held it up to Britain, she smiled, and I just smiled smugly at him.

Men! Biggest babies in the world….at least they don't need diapers.

December 6, 1975

Only 18 days left until Christmas as Sirius' little paper-chain informed me this morning as I was unleashing the flood gates of my boobies for Britain's personal amusement.

Oh the singing paper chain! Mustn't forget to mention the singing paper chain!

Sirius made up a paper chain of how many days were left til Christmas and jinxed it to sing a Christmas carol with the number of days left included…note these songs are far-fetched and hardly appropriate (Today's was "The Greatest Gift Ever" lyrics "I was 18 years old when I bought myself the best gift ever…and it was a Norwegian Stripper named Wever…") .Not only was the rhyme horrid but the message was just wrong for my 1 month old to be exposed to.

It's only been here for two days…I'm thinking that I can take it, Sirius likes it so much.

Or maybe I could shove one of my patent leather stilettos into an awkward place in his anatomy…I would like that _very_ much.

December 9, 1975

So my child is a genius.

Well, she's strong anyway. Magically she's like…woah!

I mean….she touched part of her mobile and turned it into a bunny. Like touch, poof, voila- bunny.

That's impressive, you don't hear much about infantile magic. Well of course I took about 6 roles of film of her and am dedicating and entire album to it.

I would've invited James and Lily and Dumbledore and McGonagall and Remus and Peter and the Longbottoms and that crazy cat lady down the street in to see it….but Sirius' damn chain is singing "15 ways to have the perfect Christmas", number 2 being 'get out the K-Y and lock the door' and the first one being perverse enough to make me blush.

And I don't "blush".

December 13, 1975

Went over to see James and Lily. Sent James to Sirius to try and talk him out of the paper chain and told Lily that he was allowing our _precious, tiny, innocent little one month old infant daughter_ to hear "11 Bottles of Firewishkey Can Ruin Your Christmas".

As least she was on my side and said "At least I've gotten James' past such childish things."

At that precise moment James comes through the fireplace, crying with laughter, saying, "Lily, I have got to make one of those!"

At least I got some laughs out of the deal.

December 15, 1975

Today's selection from the Paper Chain from HELL, "The Auror's Christmas" which gave a detailed account of 9 ways to completely incapacitate any stranger that tries to snuggle down your chimney.

I am _really_ going to break his neck.

December 19, 1975

That's IT! THAT'S IT!

When your baby starts clapping to "5th Times a Charm" (about a wizard who kept-because he can't figure our the correct charm-giving people vicious creatures for Christmas who wound up ripping them apart) you know you have to take matters into your own hands.

So I EXPLODED the damn Paper Chain.

Sirius was crying over the burnt remains as though I had exploded his motorcycle or the baby (which hold the same level in his mind).

After hissing that I didn't understand he swept the pieces into a clothe and Flooed over to James'. Lily came over a few minutes later and told me that the boys' were crying and burying the remains in the back yard. When she left they had charmed some plants to play the taps.

December 21, 1975

Christmas this year is going to be vastly different from last year.

Last year I fit into my jeans, had a loving boyfriend, and I had a motorbike wrapped up in a big box that I knew he was going to love.

This year I valued sweatpants or anything with a stretchy waistband, had a boyfriend who believed I was a murderer (damn paper chain) and a motorbike in the garage that was neglected (well….at least I hadn't been able to use it in quite a while but I'm sure when I'm not looking Sirius is spoiling it)

How did we manage to become an old couple so fast?

December 22, 1975

Found present for Sirius that may get him out of his funk.

I know he'll like it because I hate it, and that seems to be the rule nowadays.

December 24, 1975

Happy Christmas! The diaper leaked!

That was my surprise at 5:30 a.m., that the babies diaper wasn't properly put on and had leaked all over her crib. No wonder she was crying like someone was Crucio-ing her!

And of course _I_ had to clean it up because _I_ was the only one home because when Sirius went out last night he never came _home_ and _I_ was going to kill him when he did come back.

Well….provided that he could prove he wasn't frolicking in the arms of a woman who wasn't still holding onto ten pounds of baby-fat I might just yell at him. But if he couldn't…death.

Later

It's nearly noon and he's not here and the presents aren't opened and I KNOW HE'S LEFT ME! WHY DID HE HAVE TO LEAVE ME? WAS IT THE PAPER CHAIN? **WAS IT THE PAPER CHAIN?**

Later-er

It's three o'clock and I've gone to Lily and James' and they don't know where he is but they offered to watch the baby while I waited for him so I could freak out easier.

And I was fully planning on using that privilege except when I got home he was waiting there with his hands behind his back.

I was crying and I couldn't even yell or move I just stood there, mouth at my feet.

"I was wondering when you were going to finally go to James', I was getting bloody bored under that cloak!"

"Cloak?"

"The Invisibility Cloak, silly." He brought out a bouquet of flowers that giggled if your nose tickled them and kissed my cheek, "I couldn't very well let you see my plan! I was hoping that you went to them last night so we would've had the morning in…but this is good."

He flicked his wand and a bunch of seemingly innocent items that had been laying about the living room (dirty plate, dirty sock, dirty magazine) transfigured into a gourmet dinner for two, a silk and lace negligee (for use when my womanly parts were fixed), and a brand new dress robe that was deep red with gold trim that I was to wear when he took me to see a hoity-toity art gallery tomorrow.

The rest of the day (and a good portion of the night) was him telling me how much he loved me and how much he loved our family. Saying how he thought I was more beautiful now then he had ever fathomed and he loved that I had stayed with him even though raising an infant and a Sirius was no easy task.

And it was the perfect Christmas.

I felt kind of rotten when, having picked up Britain from a snickering Lily and James (who will one day get theirs I Swear It!), I gave Sirius his gift.

A horn he could attach to his motorbike that would yell out obscenities and various rude/funny comments to whomsoever he was pointing it at.

He was equally as happy as I was. Just goes to show you: Women are on Venus and Men are Bloody Nuts.

December 25, 1975

We gave Britain all her plushy little toys and cuddle objects today. She smiled (she's so good at that!) and seemed very happy when she fell asleep on all of them.

Thus she was quiet and allowed us to be first-time parents and gawk at how perfect she was when she was asleep.

And then she woke up with a leaky diaper….you know it must be some sick joke of hers. Wake up and make mummy and daddy clean up baby poo, haha its all shits and giggles.

Quite literally!

December 31, 1975

Remus, Peter, James, Lily, Sirius and I are all at the Potters' apartment celebrating New Years. Even though when the baby was asleep we couldn't talk loudly, move loudly, eat loudly, or breathe loudly for fear of waking her, it was pretty much business as usual.

Everyone got relatively smashed (except me, breast-feeding you know) and the boys all table danced while they sang, "Lady Marmalade".

Hey, Lily and I weren't going to stop them….we had cameras.

And that is the key thing to remember about parties, its one thing to have memories, its quite another to have evidence!

So long 1975! What I crazy year you've been!

A/N- Whew!

I actually liked this chapter more then I thought I would, it meant looking up hit songs for 1975 which is always fun!

Hope you guys enjoyed it!

If you like Lost please check out my ficlets for them….and if you're a LOTR fan my Eomer/Lothiriel one is in need of some attention as well.

PLEASE REVIEW!


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